


Let Go

by Celestialle



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Feelings Realization, Friendship/Love, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 01:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20201395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celestialle/pseuds/Celestialle
Summary: "With every step she could taste the salt of the sea even more. When she left the trees behind her it was like her eyes were playing tricks on her."





	Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope that you will like the story.  
Please give me some feedback.  
I also want to apologize for mistakes in advance because English is not my mother tongue.  
Please enjoy it.
> 
> If you want to listen to some music while reading this story I recommend:
> 
> Day 6 - I Need Somebody
> 
> Epik High - Her Come The Regrets
> 
> Epik High - The Benefits of the Heartbreak 
> 
> dodie - Burned Out
> 
> BOL4 - To My Youth
> 
> Paul Kim - Traffic Light
> 
> OuiOui - Moonlight
> 
> BTS - Let Go
> 
> Billie Eilish - Ocean Eyes
> 
> Billie Eilish - Lovely
> 
> The Rose - She's in the Rain

> The city around her was quiet while she was running through the streets. The only sound around her was the patter of the rain and a few cars which are passing by her. She is running from her past, the present and her future. She wants to leave everything behind especially him. She wants to let him go even if this means that she will destroy herself and that her heart will shatter into pieces. But she knows that he will be happy and this is enough for her.
> 
> Her thoughts are hurting her even more than physical violence. They are literally screaming at her.
> 
> "Run! Don't turn around ! Run till your legs are getting weak ! Run till breathing becomes torture ! Run till your body feels like a soulless shell ! Run till you don't know who and where you are ! Run till you feel free again ! Run till the tears stop streaming down your face and the pain in your heart fades ! Run till your head is empty and you don't feel anything besides the rain on your skin ! Run because this is what you are best at ! Run away from your problems instead of really solving them ! Run you goddamn coward ! Run ! RUN ! RUN !! "
> 
> She doesn't know where she is heading.
> 
> She only knows that she wants to be far away from him.
> 
> She wants to forget. Forget how his whole face was lighting up and how his mouth formed his signature smile she loved so much or how his brown eyes looked at her like she was the only person who mattered in this world.
> 
> Sadly all of this wasn't because of her. It was for the girl beside him.
> 
> She really would want to be this special someone for him.
> 
> She wants to be the person who makes him laugh or just holds him in her arms while the world seems to fall apart around them.
> 
> But how can she be this person if she never was good enough for him. Not good enough for anybody.
> 
> It was dumb of her to believe that the waiting will pay off. Today should have been the day where she wanted to confess to him but she was too late. It seems like she waited to long. She always was late for everything.
> 
> Maybe this is the reason why she is always the second choice for everyone, even herself. It seems like all the people she cares for are going to leave her someday.
> 
> She became a shadow the moment he left her behind. She fell into a deep black hole and lost herself in it. She didn't laugh as much as before. Her warm brown eyes with seemingly green dots in them lost their glow. They seem dull and lifeless.
> 
> Everyday it became harder for her to leave her bed and to actually get her life back together. She missed him and every passing day it got worse. The pain in her heart was slowly eating her alive.
> 
> She wasn't herself anymore.
> 
> She is consumed by passion for him and the warmth of his body.
> 
> She wanted to hear his deep soothing voice.
> 
> She wanted to lay in his arms surrounded by his absolutely addicting scent.
> 
> She wanted to look into his eyes which she almost knew better than her own. She wanted to drown in them to take the the pain from his soul so that he would be happier. Because as long as she could see him smile she didn't feel as lost.
> 
> She wanted to walk beside him through the streets and hear his laugh which was better than every single song.
> 
> She needed him when she grew up and life was getting hard.
> 
> She still needs him.
> 
> Her heart needs him to get fixed again.
> 
> The heart which shattered the moment he entered the house with this girl. He is her missing piece. She doesn't feel complete without him in her life.
> 
> She feels lonely and lost.
> 
> He will always be a part of her life even if he is not aware of it. How could he also know this fact when she never told him ?
> 
> Why should he have chosen her when she always belittles herself ?
> 
> She can't even accept herself.
> 
> How shall another person accept her for who she is ?
> 
> How shall a person understand her when even she can't figure herself out ?
> 
> How shall someone trust her when she doesn't trust herself ?
> 
> It was dumb of her heart to believe he could be the person who will help her out of this dark hole and self-pity.
> 
> With every step she took it got harder for her to breathe properly and her legs are feeling like jelly.
> 
> "Just a little more..." ,she whispered to herself. With fast steps she got nearer to the cliff where she always looked over the wide sea. This was the place everything began..
> 
> "_The wind was singing his song and brushed the face of a girl who just wanted to find a quiet place but didn't know where her feet are guiding her to. _
> 
> _With every step she could taste the salt of the sea even more. When she left the trees behind her it was like her eyes were playing tricks on her._
> 
> _ This place was absolutely gorgeous. _
> 
> _In front of her was a cliff and she could hear how the waves crashed against the stone below her feet. _
> 
> _The sun gave the cliff and the sea a golden shimmer. It seemed like a beautiful painting._
> 
> _ Her heart felt at ease and without even thinking she was walking towards the edge of the cliff where she closed her eyes, stretched out her arms like she wanted to fly,threw her head back and took a deep breath. _
> 
> _"HEY ! What the hell are you doing ? Get away from the edge ! " _
> 
> _Before she could even realize that the voice meant her she felt someone pull her from the edge. _
> 
> _She fell to the hard ground and the unknown voice was at it again "Are you crazy ? "._
> 
> _ As soon as the girl opened her eyes she looked at the face of a boy who seemed to be only a few years older than herself. _
> 
> _He let his eyes wander over her body to see if she was hurt. _
> 
> _"Are you okay ? I'm really sorry that I was so rough to you but I didn't want to witness how a person kills herself." His eyes were filled with worry while helping her up. She was fascinated by his eyes. They were from a deep brown which seemed as warm as a day in summer._
> 
> _ "HELLO ! Did you fall on your head or why are you not answering me ? "_
> 
> _ He waved his hands in front of her face till she found her voice again. _
> 
> _" Oh.. I'm really sorry but I'm fine and I actually didn't want to jump." _
> 
> _"Oh..", he answered shyly, "..but it looked like it."_
> 
> _ His ears got red while the ground below his feet seemed extremely fascinating._
> 
> _ "That's really embarrassing ..you know..I really thought..that ...you... wanted to.."_
> 
> _ He took a deep breath._
> 
> _ "What ? That I wanted to jump of the cliff ? Never !" _
> 
> _"Good." _
> 
> _He gave her a shy smile and she stretched out her hand. _
> 
> _"By the way my name is Y/F/N and who are you ?" _
> 
> _"It is nice to meet you Y/N. My name is..."_
> 
> **"Y/N !!!"**
> 
> Somebody screamed her name and this brought her back to the present. She stood at the exact same spot where they met for the first time but today it should not be the begin of something new. No it should be the end. Her eyes filled with tears while she slowly looked up into the night sky before her gaze wandered over the wide sea in front of her.
> 
> She could hear the footsteps of a person who slowly came nearer. "Y/N.."
> 
> This voice.. It could not be. He would have never followed her. He should not be here.
> 
> "Please..." ,his voice was filled with worry, " Please come back from the edge Y/N."
> 
> "What..what are you doing here ?" She whispered into the darkness.
> 
> "To be honest...I..I don't know..but I had a gut feeling that you needed me and it seem-.." His voice broke but she didn't turn around.
> 
> "So you don't know... Then you shouldn't have followed me."
> 
> "Y/N... Please turn around and talk to me..Please."
> 
> "Why ? WHY NOW ?" She yelled. " I WOULD HAVE NEEDED YOU EARLIER."
> 
> Now her voice broke and tears were streaming down her face.
> 
> "I..I can't..I don't want to...I want to let you go and forget.."
> 
> "Why ? "
> 
> She could hear that he was confused.
> 
> "Who was the girl beside you ? Is she your girlfriend ?" Her voice was as cold as ice.
> 
> "Girl ? Oh you mean Jisoo.."
> 
> "Jisoo.."
> 
> "She is the fiancée of my brother. Why are you asking ? Do you know her ? "
> 
> "Really ?"
> 
> "Really. If you turned around you could see that I don't lie." His voice got softer with every word he said to her.
> 
> "I.."
> 
> "Y/N... please.."
> 
> She turned her head slowly towards him and the look in his eyes made her stop breathing. He looked so sad and lost. She could see tears in the corner of his eyes. He didn't lie. He was a really bad liar because his eyes always exposed the truth. Slowly he was stretching his arm out towards her. She followed his movement.
> 
> "Y/N.." His eyes filled with hope when he saw that she wanted to lay her hand in his. The moment she fully turned around. Y/N lost her balance.
> 
> He got ahold of her arm before she could fall. The hope left his eyes. Now he looked panicked. It destroyed him to see her like this. He did notice her gaze when she saw Jisoo beside him and how much it bothered her. He did hope for it but everything happening right now is just crazy.
> 
> "Y/N .. don't let go.. I ..I will pull you up but you have to help me. Do you understand ?"
> 
> "Please..Let.."
> 
> "NO !"
> 
> "Please.."
> 
> "NO ! NEVER!" "But I want it like this.."
> 
> "NOO! GOD..Y/N..I...I LOVE YOU..Do you even know how hard it was for me to not know how you are. Do you know that it slowly pulled me apart not seeing your beautiful smile every day or hear your laugh. It felt like hell and now that I'm back I will not let go of your hand. Even if you don't feel the same for me. I want to be a part of your life." Tears were running down his face while he tried to pull her up with his whole strength. "You..you love me..?"
> 
> "Yes..I love you so much Y/N so please don't let go of my hand."
> 
> "That is bullshit."
> 
> "Let g-..."
> 
> "NO. I WON'T LET GO OF YOUR HAND."
> 
> "But.."
> 
> "No but.." With a last pull she landed safely in his arms. He still smelled the same like in her memory. She could hear the beating of his heart.
> 
> "God..Y/N..I.." His voice broke again and he rested his face in the crook of her neck. His whole body was shaking while she slowly stroked his hair.
> 
> " Please don't cry.. I won't go away.."
> 
> "I.." He could not form any sentence. She pushed the man in front of her a bit away so that she could take his face in her cold hands while looking deep into his eyes.
> 
> Y/N took a deep breath before she slowly connected her lips with his. "I love you Im Changkyun. And I have to tell you that I won't disappear anymore."
> 
> After these words left her mouth Changkyun placed kisses all over her face before their lips were meeting again.
> 
> "I hope so.." He whispered in between the kisses.
> 
> "How shall I survive without you."
> 
> Both of their eyes filled with hope and love.
> 
> ** _"I will never let you go and this is a promise for eternity."_ **


End file.
